The Red-Eyed Horse
by The Chortling Mermaid
Summary: Birthday Present for Maddie! When Drake becomes obsessed with an online horse-breeding game, Josh gets really aggravated. Drake's online horse gets a red eye, and threatens him, although none of the other people on the horse game believe him. Contains: Random appearances such as Dora's map, weird references, (hopefully) hilarity. :) Warning: Crack fic, slight language.


**A/N: Hey guys, I swear we're not trolling but we have a new crack fic! It's for Madison, whose birthday is TODAY! Winged Fish and I wrote this, and Freezing Girl supervised me, lol. So, this is partially about a game called howrse (.com), where you breed fake horses and try to get the best horses on the website. Maddie has been banned twice from this site. DX Anyway, here it is!**

It was a rainy Thursday afternoon, and Drake and Josh cut class because Drake was addicted to his computer game. He told the school that he and Josh couldn't go to class because Mrs. Hayfer ate them with a bunch of goldfish crackers. The principal said she understood and let them cut class.

"Da-RAKE!" Josh yelled at his brother.

"NO MY HORSIES, AND THE MOD IS BEING MEAN AND DELETED MY CRY FOR HELP!" Drake screamed pounding his fists on Josh's stylish laptop, "STUPID IRENE!"

"No, Drake! I need that for e-mailing Oprah my fanfics about Korean Jesus and Nick Valensi!" Josh whined, clamping onto drakes shoulders like a vice.

Any changes that might have occurred was because of Megan, who was the one responsible for the months of sleepless nights on red bull, that bitch.

"MY HORSE HAS A RED EYE AND WANTS TO KILL ME!" Drake screamed, chucking the laptop at Josh's ball-magnet head.

"OW! And the pain." Josh spazzed out grabbing his laptop, "Drake, what do you even do on that website anyway?"

"You take care of the pictures of these horses, private message 8-69 year-olds, "help" other players on the forums, breed your horse with the hottest babes in town and congratulate people, and get really popular online." Drake listed, giving Josh a "duh" look.

"NO DRAKE! That is unsafe behavior online! Th-there could be scary people on there! You know, I was watching Oprah the other day and she mentioned..." Josh went into safety mode, and began his babbling lecture on being safe online, and that Drake should ask his parent's permission before messaging strangers.

"...and they could be HOBOS! You don't know, Drake! People can be bad and scary! Especially if they teach World History to 8th graders and math to 7th graders. WHAT IF OBAMA IS REALLY ON THERE. OH MY GOD YOU COULD BE BREEDING WITH BARRY'S HORSE HOLY SHAT." Josh finally took a break in his lecture.

"Not people, Josh! The only scary thing on this site is my horsie!" Drake moaned. He proceeded to click on something and thrust the computer into Josh's meaty hands. Josh flipped out at the image on the screen.

"OH FOR THE LOVE OF OPRAH! TAKE HIM AWAY TAKE HIM AWAY!"

"Josh, this is just a screenshot, not the real horse. I'll show it to you again to see if you know how to fix it, okay." Drake was slightly taken aback.

"Sure!" Josh said in a confident tone, then began screaming as Drake flipped the laptop exposing the picture of the red-eyed horse. Drake sighed, then smirked. He kept showing Josh the picture to hear him scream, then got bored and stopped. On the screen, there was a white horse with two big tan blots on its coat. It had red eyes with a yellow border, and it had an evil-looking grin as if it were going to jump out of the screen and eat them.

"Okay, man, I'll start a new forum topic to ask for help with my evil horse." Drake announced, to the Josh that was curled up into a giant ball, clutching his special pillow. He began typing with both index fingers for about five minutes straight, before posting the topic.

Josh might have let him alone to continue his solo masturbatory session to only to be confronted by the shrill banshee like cries from the other side of the room

"SHUT UP ALEXA, THIS ISN'T A JOKE MY HORSE REALLY IS EVIL LIKE MEGAN!" Drake wailed.

Josh groaned half in pleasure and half in annoyance. then in a calmer voice asked, "why don't they believe you?"

"They said I "photoshopped" the picture, and that the link to the horse is "invalid". Drake elucidated through clenched teeth.

"Buh-but I don't even have that application on my laptop!" Josh whined, slowly becoming more involved in Drake's game.

"They don't believe us!" Drake exclaimed. He went into their mini-fridge and pulled out a bottle of Dr. Fizz. Then he shook it up and opened the cap a little, letting the explosive liquid get all over Josh's laptop.

"DROWN IN SUGARY BEVERAGE YOU STUPID LOSERS!" Drake yelled, while continuing to dump the rest of the bottle on the keyboard.

"DA-RAKE! NO!" Josh yelled dramatically, falling to his knees. He slowly rose to his feet, and once he was standing again, he slowly said, "I. Wanted. To. E-mail. Oprah."

"Blame Alexa, Dark Goddess, Luckenbill and Irene. Those people are the ones who got your laptop all _sticky_." Drake said, suddenly calm.

"YA COULDA JUST DELETED THE ACCOUNT! NOW MY FANFICS ARE GONE!" Josh shook his brother by the shoulders wildly.

"Woah...just take it easy man." Drake recited his famous line from the theater thug episode of Josh's favorite crime show. In turn, Josh went to the mini-fridge and pulled out the cake they were saving, and shoved it into Drake's beautiful hair.

"Hey! That was supposed to be for Madison!" Drake protested, hair glistening with pink frosting.

"TOO BAD DRAKE…TOO BA-" Josh then lost his voice from all the yelling.

"What's wrong man?" Drake asked, noticing that Josh stopped yelling at him. Josh opened his mouth several times in a vain attempt to communicate. A bunch of screechy sounds came out of Josh's mouth.

"DO YOU NEED CPR?" Drake yelled slowly as if Josh had a hearing problem. Josh in turn shook his head frantically, and grabbed a pad of paper and pencil.

_**I lost my voice, idiot. You got me ALL WORKED UP OVER THAT STUPID GAME!**_

Josh then underlined and scribbled all over the paper.

"Here man, drink thi-i-i-i-s-s-s-s-s!" Drake handed his brother some orange juice. Josh glugged all the liquid down, then cried when there was no more juice in the bottle.

"Waah! My juice! My juice!" Josh whined, now able to talk.

"Juice? That wasn't juice?" Drake questioned.

"WHAT DID-what did you give me?"

"Orange Concen-oh! Concentrate.._not_ juice." Drake read the label, sounding out 'concentrate'.

"Whatever, anyways bro, why would you do that? You know I spent all my money on that tanning bed, and now my laptop is stickeeickee and broken!" He whined to his brother.

"No, man! _StickeeIckee_ is over there!" He pointed to a fat man in his thirties.

"Hey, Kevin." Josh acknowledged, then got back to his rant, "I TOLD YOU TO STOP LETTING GANGSTERS INTO THE HOUSE!"

"He said he had a boat." Drake sassed.

"It's not a boat, I said Death Row." Kevin interrupted.

"OUT!" Josh yelled.

"Fine, homie but I'm leaving the map with me, sucka!" STICKEE yelled as he jumped out the window and disintegrated in midair.

"IF THERE'S A PLACE YA GOTTA GO..." The map started his song.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" The boys yelled in unison.

"MY HORSE SENT HIS EVIL MINION, JOSH WE MUST DESTROY IT!" Drake yelled.

"Okay brutha!"

The two boys ripped the map in half and stabbed it multiple times with the hot glue gun. Glue was all over the yucky map and it was a bunch of little pieces, but it kept singing its terrible song.

"I'M THE MAP I'M THE MAP..." It sang in a double voice, until its song was over.

"You need to go across the Mako Island, then over a river, where you'll see Bill our tour guide strapped to a floatie, and that's how you get to the Premire!"

"NO HE'S WORSE THAN GOOGLE MAPS!" Drake screamed, making the map cry itself to death.

"What did you do to my map?" Dora asked, but it wasn't Dora, it was just Josh doing a Dora voice.

"Shut up, Josh!" Drake commanded.

"Okay, but I have something else to say...Happy birthday!" Josh looked into the screen, breaking the fourth wall.

"JOSH NO! THE FOURTH WALL IS BROKEN!"

"Meh, we probably broke it a bunch of times anyway." Josh said, looking at Madison.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" **Drake yelled as the fourth wall broke again crumbling into their room.**

"Hot glue gun?"

"Yep."

**A/N: Happy birthday, Maddie, hope you liked it, and drink some orange juice!**

**~FoF**


End file.
